Grief and the Holidays: Holding On When It Feels Impossible

The holidays are here again, and I know what that means. For many, it’s a time of joy and celebration with family. But for those of us who are grieving, it’s a time of deep, sharp ache. The truth is, nothing about the holidays feels like it used to. There’s a heaviness that hangs over everything—an absence that’s impossible to ignore. I get it. I’m living it.

Tomorrow, Thanksgiving will be different. And so will Christmas. And next year, the year after that. Because for those of us who’ve lost someone we loved deeply, these seasons are never quite the same. The table feels emptier. The laughter sounds quieter. The memories are bittersweet. For me, it’s almost a year since my dad passed - January 13th will mark one full year. It feels impossible to put into words how much I miss him. How many times I wish I could pick up the phone and hear his voice again. And yet, here I am, trying to figure out how to navigate the holidays without him. I won't lie to you...it's painful and it’s okay to admit that.

I know some of you are struggling with this, too. Maybe it’s the first Thanksgiving or Christmas without someone you loved, or maybe it’s your fifth or tenth. Grief doesn’t follow a calendar. It doesn’t care about the "holidays." It hits at unexpected times, and in unexpected ways. And in a season where everything feels like it’s supposed to be joyful, your grief can feel louder, more present, more impossible to ignore.

If you’re reading this, I want you to know that you don’t have to pretend you’re okay. You don’t have to fake joy or put on a brave face. It’s okay to feel the pain. It’s okay to miss them so much it hurts. It's okay to feel like you’re not sure how to get through these next few weeks.

Even though I help with grief and loss with others, I have no idea what I’m doing right now regarding mine. This is uncharted territory. But what I do know is that I’m not alone in this. You’re not alone either. We’re all trying to make it through this world without the people we love. And that’s not easy. That’s not something you can just move on from.

I’ve been reflecting on my own grief a lot lately, and something I’ve learned is this: Grief is a reflection of the love we had. When we love someone deeply, we also risk feeling the pain of their absence. And I’ve come to realize that grief isn’t something to run from, something to avoid. It’s a part of the love we shared. It’s a part of what it means to care deeply for someone. And honestly? I’ve learned to lean into it, because without grief, I wouldn’t have known that love in the first place.

Grief isn’t something that just shows up when we lose someone...I think it's the echo of all the moments we shared with them. It’s a reminder of how much they meant to us. It’s a hard truth, but it's also beautiful in a way. The depth of the grief I feel is a direct reflection of the depth of the love we had. And as much as I wish I could be free from the pain, I know that the grief means I loved hard. And that’s something I wouldn’t trade for anything.

Because the grief is a sign of the love that came before. It means you gave your heart fully to someone. It means that your life was made richer because they were in it. And while that loss hurts deeply, that love will never fade.

I want to leave you with something that might help, something to carry with you this holiday season. Maybe it feels like everything is different this year, and it’s hard to imagine creating new memories or traditions. But I want to encourage you to find something small - something that feels right for you - that honors your loved one.

You don’t have to do what everyone else is doing. It’s okay to create your own little tradition, even if it’s just a quiet moment or a small act of remembrance. Maybe it’s lighting a candle and saying their name. Maybe it’s cooking their favorite meal, even if it’s just for yourself. Maybe it’s looking through old photos and remembering the good times. Or, if you’re ready, maybe it’s doing something new - something that feels like a way to bring them into your life again in a different way.

So, I ask you: What can you create this holiday season? What small tradition or gesture can you do in honor of your loved one? Even if it feels scary or unfamiliar, give yourself permission to try something new. This is your grief, your love, and your journey. You’re allowed to make it your own. As we move through this season, be gentle with yourself. There’s no “right” way to do the holidays after loss. There’s no perfect way to grieve. But there is a way to honor the love you had. And even though the holidays will be different this year, that love doesn’t change. It will always be there, carrying you through the darkest moments. And when you’re ready, you can carry it forward in new ways - small moments, small traditions - that keep their spirit alive. You are not alone in this. I’m right here with you, holding onto my dad’s memory, and I’ll be holding space for yours, too.

I hope you have a wonderful and Happy Thanksgiving. I’m truly thankful for you.